6 reasons why my blog doesn't give advice

Phoenix post-departure, originally uploaded by scrollwork.

…and 3 reasons why it doesn’t go for the gimmicks

1) I am not Ann Landers.
Dear Scrollwork,
Please help me decide if I should break up with my boyfriend. He’s…
Just do it. Just freakin’ do it.

2) I am not a techie. I am not a social marketing guru.
What Wordpress theme would you recommend for my blog?
Do I look like a geek to you?

3) I am not there yet.
I have a dream. I’ve always wanted to…
Don’t quit your day job.


4) I am not a mommy blogger.
How do I get my kids to stop fighting? I can’t think straight with all their screaming and tattling.
Hand each a butter knife and tell them to make it quick, Real Housewives is on.


5) I am not a fashion forecaster. Or particularly tactful.
Will gladiator heels still be in this spring, or should I throw all of mine out and buy blah-blah-blah to go with blah-blah-blah? I’ve enclosed a picture.
I see you’re reading Cosmo. That’s a thick issue. The only things thicker are your hamhock thighs. Those jeans aren’t doing you a favor. Four-inch heels couldn’t save you. Pray that palazzo pants come back.

6) I am not a car mechanic.
My car makes a funny noise when I run the a/c and stereo at the same time.
Turn up your volume. That’s Engelbert Humperdinck trying to be heard above the din. “Please release me, let me go…”

7) I don’t want a lame blog.
Why don’t you hold giveaways? You could have tons of subscribers by now.
But they’d stop coming when I stop bribing. I only want one kind of subscriber: the kind who reads, mindfully. Plus the kind who comments, thoughtfully. OK, two kinds.

8) See #7.
Why aren’t you selling e-books? Everyone’s doing it. You ought to package your life coaching/blog marketing/weight loss secrets/fear conquering advice and sell it.
You lost me at “Everyone’s doing it.”

9) I didn’t sign up for the pissing contest.
What is your readership growth strategy? Maybe if you tried harder you’d have 8 million readers like that Filipina blogger who ranted about not being allowed to use the store landline to summon her chauffeur because she’d forgotten her cell in the van.
I’d kill my blog before my superiority complex gets too big for its britches.

There is no formula. There are only people who want to sell you theirs.

Spicing up the merchandise

Spicing up the merchandise, originally uploaded by scrollwork.

Maybe she was testing to see if anyone was paying attention.
Maybe she was testing market receptivity to broadening the product line.
Or maybe she was just having a dyslexic moment.

Sure capped our after-Christmas leisurely stroll in downtown Sonora, CA.

Meet me under the mistletoe!

Meet me under the mistletoe!, originally uploaded by scrollwork.

The misunderstood mistletoe. Dependent on trees for survival, it's been labeled a parasite for so long.

"...rather than being a pest, mistletoe can have a positive effect on biodiversity, providing high quality food and habitat for a broad range of animals in forests and woodlands worldwide."

— http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mistletoe

Turns out the the little misfit has enormous value after all.

Institutions deeply rooted in traditions and hierarchy can hastily dismiss their mistletoe workers and never count the loss in human terms. People drunk on their own power can treat their staff like pests to be eradicated.

"But mistletoe is also capable of growing on its own; like other plants it can produce its own food by photosynthesis."

— http://www.theholidayspot.com/christmas/history/mistletoe.htm

Mistletoe brings people together. (People kiss under it!) That connection, multiplied globally (over cyberspace, in this instance) sustains the mistletoe when arrogant trees refuse to lend their branches for support.

Long live mistletoe!

Shooting Down Mistletoe